My Q Health | 7 Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship: Is Your Relationship Healthy?
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7 Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship: Is Your Relationship Healthy?

7 Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship: Is Your Relationship Healthy?

When I was 20 years old, I was a very unhappy young lady. I went into psychoanalysis — on the couch four days a week for four and a half years, until my analyst said, “You’re analyzed,” which I took to mean that I was ready to create a healthy relationship.

In reality, I had no idea of what a healthy relationship was. All I really knew about was the relationship my parents had, which was anything but what I now call healthy. Armed with their role modeling and the years of my analysis, I got married to a man who had no better idea than I did of what constituted a healthy, loving relationship. After many years of learning and healing, and working with thousands of couples over the last 44 years, I now understand what a healthy relationship is and how to create it.

1. Emotional Responsibility
This is the most important ingredient for creating a healthy relationship. When people do not take responsibility for their own feelings, they tend to try making their partner responsible for their own happiness, emotional safety and self-worth. As adults, happiness, emotional safety and self-worth come from how we treat ourselves and others, rather than from how others treat us. Therefore, if we are abandoning ourselves rather than loving and valuing ourselves, we will feel unhappy and emotionally unsafe, and have low self-worth. If we then blame our partner for our feelings, we participate in creating an unhealthy relationship.
2. Kindness, Acceptance, Compassion And Empathy
Relationships thrive when both partners are kind, accepting, compassionate and empathetic. This occurs naturally once you have learned to be kind, accepting and compassionate toward yourself, but it becomes a huge challenge when you are abandoning yourself. Again, the ability to be kind with others is directly related to learning to be kind with oneself.
3. Warmth, Affection, Connection, Laughter And Fun
When people take loving care of themselves and take responsibility for making themselves happy, they generally want to share their happiness with loved ones. When you learn to stay connected with yourself, you likely want to share your connection with loved ones. Warmth, affection, connection, laughter and fun flow easily when both partners have learned how to take responsibility for their own happiness.
To read full article, visit the Huffington Post.
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